I still remember the day like it was yesterday. I was standing in my little office in Wales, pacing the floor and trying to pray. Only, it wasn’t one of those peaceful, heaven-filled prayer moments. It was a frustrated prayer born out of a conversation I had just ended with a pastor on the phone.
He had poured out a long list of struggles in his church. I listened carefully, then began offering practical counsel steps he could take, adjustments he could make, wisdom from Scripture. But every single time, his reply was the same:
“That would be too hard.”
Over and over. Every suggestion, every bit of encouragement, met with those four words. And he wasn’t the only one. I’d been hearing that same phrase from so many leaders: “That would be too hard.”
By the time I hung up, I was exasperated. I dropped my head and said out loud to God, “Lord, I don’t know what else to do. Everything seems too hard for them. They’re being defined by what’s hard in their lives.”
The words stopped me cold. I repeated them in my mind, staring out the window:
“Whatever you find hard in life has the potential to define your life.”
That sentence marked me. It reshaped the way I looked at people, ministry, even myself. And as I began to study Scripture, I realized this wasn’t just an observation it was a biblical principle.
In Exodus 18, Moses was trying to carry the entire burden of leadership for Israel on his shoulders. The people came to him for every dispute, every decision, every crisis. His father-in-law Jethro finally pulled him aside and said:
“What you are doing is not good. You and these people will surely wear yourselves out. For this thing is too hard for you; you are not able to perform it by yourself.” (Exodus 18:17–18)
Jethro then gave him this pattern of breakthrough:
• If you listen to wise counsel,
• And you follow God’s direction,
• Then you will endure and walk in peace.
• But if you don’t, what is “too hard” will define your life.
That was thousands of years ago, yet the principle is the same today.
We see it everywhere:
• When marriage becomes too hard, people are defined by one word: divorce.
• When honesty is too hard, a person becomes known as a liar.
• When controlling anger is too hard, a man can end up as inmate #32.
• Even in lighthearted ways, some men get married and their friends just shake their heads, calling them lucky.
Here’s the truth: what you find hard in life will either define you, or refine you.
As I prayed and studied, I began writing down what I was learning. That’s when I defined something I now call “The Hard Threshold.”
It’s the point where life’s challenges whether in family, business, or ministry cause you to stop moving forward. The threshold becomes a ceiling. Unless you confront it, it defines you.
But before people hit the threshold, they usually feel what I call “The Compression of Hard.”
It’s like pressing a metal spring with your hands. The more you squeeze, the greater the pressure builds. In real life, it looks like this:
• Pressure in your relationships.
• Tension in your body and mind.
• Losing focus.
• Normal activities becoming harder.
• A longing for escape daydreaming about quitting, or seeking relief in unhealthy places.
I’ve come to believe that for many people, depression is fueled by this very compression. The weight of “hard” squeezes the life out of them until they can’t see a way forward.
If left unaddressed, the Law of Hard leads to what I call the failing point. That’s when the pressure overwhelms you, and you simply stop. You give up. You quit.
But here’s the good news: with God’s wisdom, the failing point doesn’t have to be the end. The same pressure that can crush you can also lift you.
Think of the spring again:
• Pressure pushing down can cause you to retreat.
• Pressure pressing outward can tempt you to escape another job, another relationship, another quick fix.
• But pressure directed upward can launch you higher, into the very next level God has for your life.
Moses broke free from the Law of Hard by listening to Jethro’s wise counsel. Jesus challenged His disciples to press through the “hard sayings” and discover eternal life. And you and I face the same choice.
The Law of Hard is simple:
Whatever you find hard in life has the potential to define you temporarily or permanently.
But through God’s Word, godly counsel, and the presence of the Spirit, you can push past the threshold, release the compression, and let the pressure lift you instead of crush you.
So the next time you hit something hard whether in marriage, work, or ministry don’t let it define you. Let it refine you. Don’t shrink back. Don’t plan your escape. Instead, embrace the pressure and trust God to use it to enlarge your life.
Because on the other side of “hard” is growth, strength, and the next level of the life God has for you.